It was hot today

It was hot today so I thought
A dip in the pond would hit the spot.
So I squeezed my ass in a nice big suit
And smeared some sunscreen on my snoot,
Pulled on my stunnin' swimming shoes
And grabbed my nose plug on its noose.

(It's dry round here and it's hot
You had rain? We have not.
Our pond is down a foot or three
And along the shore are cut pine trees
[Put there for the minnows, don'tcha know,
And it looks real ugly cause now they show].

Though the tree are there to protect the fish
I hate the things and, BOY, do I wish
They weren't there where I swim
(But they were put there by Him)
So I'm stuck with the damn things
And their bits of tinsel and Christmas string.)

Ususally my end's, oh, 'bout five feet
'Cept it ain't rained here in weeks and weeks
So's now my end's barely two feet deep
With a foot and half of mud at least.
It was going to be tricky to get through the mire
And out to where the water was higher.
But, ya know, it sure was hot
And I knew a dip would hit the spot.

I eased on in to the warm, warm ooze
(See, that's why I wear them ugly shoes)
And without more water to buoy my ass
I start sinking in the mud...and fast.
At first I thought, hey, been here before
But I started sinking a little bit more
And soon I was well and truly stuck
Thigh deep in water, knee deep in muck.

Then the reason I hate those damn pine trees
Comes a wiggly out to taste the breeze
I told Him they'd attract snakes
It's WATER and TREES for cripes' sake.
And, oh, shit there's another one
Under the pier away from the sun.
And, SHIT, there's even more!
Why in hell didn't I see 'um from the shore?

Here I'm stuck like a white beached whale
With snakes ready to bite my tail
(Okay, I know that's not what they do
But would it really matter to you?)
They're all around, that's all that matters
So I splash the water to make them scatter
And yell for the dogs to save my life
And call hubby to come get his wife.

The dogs come round and barked a lot
And hubby comes out to see what's what
Then laughs so hard he can't stand
Oh, my hero, oh, what a man.
The snakes go away but now I'm pissed
"Come help me get out of this!
Finally he gets me out of my pickle
With John Deere and a lot of giggles.

But still it was SO damn hot today

So I took a shower.

And by the way...

I would dearly love to know why my font size changes after the first paragraph.

See.

Why? Why? Why?

It's been so long since I started fiddling with my template, I've forgotten most of what I learned and have to refer to my Dummies books. Sad, sad, sad. Image Shack has funkified the way my pics are displayed and I can't copy and paste into blogger, for some reason, and all the changes gave me a feeling obsoleteness, which I am over.

Anyhoo, I went to Ashland, home of former patient, I checked out my animal buddies I used to visit when I lived there caring for Himself--I miss them *sniffle*.

Aren't they bee you tee ful? Destined to never turn up on a plate.

Mr. Bull. He sneaked up on me while I was taking pictures of the others last year. I didn't know Mr. Owner had bought him. He just appeared out of nowhere on my left, scraping his horn on the fence. No big, he's a good tempered baby, but he scared the crapola out of me--he's huge. Mr. Owner takes a lot of guff from the folks in the area because they all have Angus or some other type of beef cattle and he has "pets"--good for him, says I.

I never named any of them except for this fella. I call him Uncle Charlie because he reminds me of my uncle--always dancing to a different beat, belching beer fumes on everyone and playing pull-my-finger whenever we all got together.

There are a lot of rescue burros in Clay County and the one in the middle (mare, jenny, Mz. Burro) is the boss of the whole pasture, even pushes the bull aside when I get there with my carrots.

Ashland is eighty miles south of where I live and I don't think rural is even the right word to call it...rustic would be more like it. It has more than its share of bugs and it sounds like a Tarzan movie when it gets dark and I spent a lot of time bitching about the lack of civilization--no Wally World, no bakeries, no you-name-it, just Piggly Wiggly and Dollar General--when I first got there but I grew to love it. When I went back today all the critters remembered me; I nearly squalled.

HELLO MELISSA

I have been in touch with my dearly beloved and lost stepdaughter, Melissa (or Mel or Miaka) that I lost fourteen years ago. It's a long story but suffice it to say I talked to her a week ago and it was UN FREAKING BELIEVABLE. She was six when she last saw me and doesn't remember me much but oh, do I remember her and her brother Ron. They were "mine" for three years and I loved them, laughed with them, enjoyed them, cared for them, and missed them more than I can ever express. I have dreamed, literally, of finding them and losing them again and again. Now there'll be no more nightmares, no more waking up crying...an enormous weight has been lifted from me.

I'm so happpppy!

This blog is M Bear Assing

I started working on my template sometime in a previous life and never finished--and ain't THAT hard to tell? Some of the archive pages have no text until I scroll doooown aways. Also, I wished I had put more pictures or at least mentioned more WIPs or to-be-started project cuz I finished a clapotis (number thirteen--no I do NOT like that pattern, I lurve it) and the finished scarf is soft and luscious and I don't know what yarn I used.

Be nice if I posted much more frequently. Wonder where the postless blogs go when they are not used...

Today's My Birthday

Yep, Le Yarner is fifty-four today. I don't know if I feel my age but I know for sure I don't act it. I can remember seeing folks in their fifties act a fool when I was thirty-ish and thinking they ought to get a grip. I expect folks roll their eyes at me sometimes but it's not keeping me up at night.

There are advantages to being fifty-four. I got caught speeding while really digging on some Steppenwolf but got away with a warning. "You were doing eighty in a fifty-five (mph) zone, ma'am." "I know and I'm sorry officer. I had Born to Be Wild blasting in the cd player and got carried away." "Well, I'll let it go this time but let's slow it down ma'am." And I've learned a lot, done a lot, suffered a lot, laughed a lot, loved a lot, and got hurt a lot...my life lived in the what-the-frock lane.

I wish I had something profound to add to this post since it is my birthday and this is my first post in a loooooong time but I've also learned I'm not profound. However, I have learned that these two gentle gentlemen can usually pick me up if I'm down and I pass them on to you.